Sunday, September 17, 2006

Random Thoughts

The boys were in bed, each received a kiss on the head, and each had a prayer from dad spoken over them. I asked them about their first week back at school (both thought it great), and we talked about whatever was on their minds.

Jeremiah asked me if I had ever been an astronaut (he had just watched Apollo 13). Cute. The kid thinks I have done just about everything! Isaac asked if we could pray for Grampa Denny.

Grampa Denny, as mentioned in the previous post, is a little ornery sometimes, and is now headed south toward his home near Puerta Vallarta, Mexico.

Brenda and I are a little concerned about his safety, health, and salvation. But we had the important conversations with him, and wished him well. The ornery and frightened little guy is now headed south.

After crawling into bed and chatting for a while, we prayed for him.

I love those chats at bedtime.

We snuggle up close, and tenderly talk to each other. We review our day, we share our concerns, we tell each other how we feel. We pray and fall asleep.

It wasn’t always that way. There has been some rough times this past quarter century. Yup, this November we will have been married 25 years! Hard to believe.

Last night we talked a little about this past summer. It was a busy one. We were juggling counseling sessions for Jeremiah (strongly requested by the county district attorney), Special Olympics events, went on a road trip to Wyoming, replaced floors, painted rooms, fixed a little of this, a lot of that, dealt with my mother in law (who used to live with us but now lives in her own apartment, with help from Brenda), and dealt with my father in law (who lives with wife #4 [who was also wife #2] in Mexico). (Wow! FOUR parenthetical statements in one sentence! Do I expect a lot from my readers or what?!!!)

We talked about the difficult times this past 25 years and how those challenges have helped us grow.

We talked about how things have gotten so sweet between us. . . how we are gentle with each other. We spoke about how our home is suddenly free from any big disasters. No deaths in the family. No family members staying with us. No overwhelming issues with our kids. No huge health problems. I have just had the best first week of school I can remember. (It was just FANTASTIC at work this week.)

We wondered if it would last. Such stability in our lives is not the way we have spent most of the last two and a half decades.

When I view the dusty crushed debris of our church I feel twinges of emotions that are difficult to articulate. I drive past it each day on my way home.

There are small projects I still need to complete from the big projects of the summer (Honey, if you are reading this, I promise I’ll get to the door trim soon, and that stuff in the back yard is nearly picked up!).

So how is it that we are getting along so well? Many couples divorce. Many folks have marriages filled with loneliness. What are we doing differently?

I think it is the way we have learned to handle crisis that has helped our marriage. When we were young we seemed to let the small things turn into big things.

Then the big things came.

We didn’t always handle those well either. Our marriage went through some really tough patches. We have learned to try to lift each other up when the other needs it. I say “try” because it didn’t always work out that way.

But now we are eager for that time of night when the phone has stopped ringing, the kids are asleep, and we can retreat to the refuge of our bed.

This afternoon we had our annual church picnic. It was good to get together with our church family. There were ten people baptized in the local river!

Our parents, Brenda and mine, seemed to move fairly frequently, and grew up always changing schools. Both of us had school years where we were in three different schools.

Not our kids. Since their adoption we have not moved at all.

We’ve been married for almost 25 years. We have lived in the same house for over 15. Our children have come out of terrible conditions to have a stable home in a community which includes friends at school and a close spiritual family at church.

Why is life so good? To tell the truth it spooks us a little. We have the feeling of waiting for “the other shoe to drop.” But I think there are some things I can point to as why life is good.

Because I love my wife. (One of these days I want to write a post about that... explain my take on that vastly misunderstood passage from Paul regarding wives and husbands).

Because I have grown through difficult times and rely on Him.

And maybe because He feels we just need a little break before we do anymore growing.


David said...

I miss those times with kids and get them too rarely with the grandkids. How I envy your marriage - a wife that will actually talk with you about something other than school and grandkids.

Jada's Gigi said...

Thank God for the breaks in life!! Sometimes it does seem to be more than we can bear...then its over...and we can rest a bit. Here's hoping your marriage grows stronger and stronger as time goes by. I think one secret to the length and stability of my marriage (30yrs this Oct.) is that we learned how to fight...:) seriously...fight without damaging one another, without having to win every time...learning what was worth fighting over and when to say enough and let it go...
maybe the true secret is learning how to lose...hmmmm
anyways....enjoy your respite...God is good, all the time...but sometimes we can appreciate His goodness more than at other times..:)

hazelorbs said...

beautiful. i love reveling in the goodness of God when those moments come and you can see clearly His hand in your life. God bless you and your family....

Kelly said...

That time of the evening is my husband and my favorite time of the day also. Great post, Curious!

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, Curious! I think the fact that both of you have agreed to love one another, to share you lives with your precious adopted children and that you just keep trying...that is why you are still so closely together. You are continuing to help one another and I love that you cuddle and chat together about everything. My hubby is great, but he isn't a bed chatterer...I don't think that is a word...and I don't like that, but he isn't. We talk a little and I've decided that that is good...we talk ... we communicate and that is what is important. Still, I could sure enjoy more of that. Thank you...I might even tell Danny about this, so we can chat even more! He'll just smile. ;)
God bless you! SincerelyMyThoughts...Suzanne

jollybeggar said...

yeah, man- take the inventory.
quarter century? awesome.

this august was our 21st. i have now been married over half my life... thank God it is the half that has made sense.


jollybeggar said...

...yeah, and in those times when you are white-knuckling your monopoly on 'right' there is always proverbs 31.10-31 for some perspective, eh?

Looney Mom said...

It's so nice when we get those breaks from the trials where we can just sit back and actually SEE how far our Faithful Father has brought us. But He loves us too much to just let us stay there, so we can't stay in that quiet calmess for very long - darn! I'm so glad you're having some peace in your life right now.

Jim said...

Nice thoughts here, C.S. I often have the feeling that things are just too good. Must be someone watching after me.

I won't knock on wood because I don't believe in that sort of stuff--well, I don't walk under ladders and turn around when a black cat tries to cross my path--but bad probably will come again.
Before it happens I'm thinking it will be alright anyway. We will see, if and when.

Becky said...

Thank you for sharing another beautiful aspect of your life.


byHisgracealone said...

it still pains me somedays that i walked away from the loneliness, the lack of communication, the lovelessness, the 23 years of trying to understand why it couldnt be different...... because i DO believe in marriage....

God bless you and Brenda


Looney Mom said...

Please forgive my intrusion, but I figured this is the best way to get a hold of all of my Blog Buddies - just going down my list! I'm calling all prayer warriors to PRAY FOR MY DAUGHTER tonight -- PLEASE!!! Thank you!

Vicki said...

Came by to see what's up and was blessed richly by your post just now. So thankful that God has brought you to this place, and that your faith spurs each of us on with the Lord. It encourages me to hang on...

Judas Hate said...

Hi Will.

Thanks for stopping by and I'm glad you "got it".

Yes, Felise is quite the sweetheart.

I'm glad life is as good for you as it is for me:-)

Take care.


jel said...

Hi CS,

just checking how thing are going ,

glad things are getting better for ya!

God bless!

Kathleen Marie said...

It seems God has been very, very good to you! Blessings Galore!

Hope said...

It's almost 25years for us too. We also are revelling in the sweetness. Congrats!

ukok said...

So glad the children's first week back at school has gone well :-)

Judas Hate said...

Although I am a fan of Mandy, I haven't had a chance to see the new show.
I'm guessing it's because it conflicts with my available "viewing" schedule.
I'll check the guide and see if it comes on between 11pm and 3am on a Saturday:-).
Have you ever heard him sing? Great pipes!

Minor trivia: In an interview, he said the Montoya character was his favorite roll ever.


Afterthought: One of my all time favorite movie exchanges is between Inigo and the six fingered man in "Princess Bride".
When he finally battles the six fingered man at the end..... (What Inigo says he wants).

I won't list the actual quote to avoid ruining the scene for anyone who hasn't seen the movie, but I think you know which one I'm speaking of.

Joe said...

"The kid thinks I have done just about everything!"

So did I.

This was a very moving post. Thanks.

Spiritually Unequal Marriage said...

I love reading about your family. It encourages me so much. You really "get it". Thank you for sharing "it."

Be blessed! Lynn

Looney Mom said...

I want to thank you so much for your prayers, thoughts, and kind words of encouragement. I'm gonna try to work my blogging into my daily schedule so I can still visit my buddies - even if it's every other day! I'll still be around. You can get rid of me that easily!

curious servant said...

Thanks for the comments all!

Joe's comment got me to thinking and I wrote half a post about my odd history... not sure if I'll post it or not.

Right now I have to go grab a bite to eat because I'm chaperoning a dance tonight!

Coco said...

Thank you for sharing...
25 years of marriage is miraculous in this day and age, wow! I pray that my husband and I can last that long. We've been married almost 8 years.

Glad to hear that everyone's first week of school went well. Mine was a little "chaotic"...didn't know if I was coming or going! Our PREP schedule kept changing every day : (

Have a wonderful weekend.

Take Care!


eyes of a tragedy said...

sorry if this is very late...but i just noticed you left a nice comment on one of my thank you (i just never really use blogger anymore so i might be very behind the times)

Ame said...

Wow! I waited till I had time to sit and read this post without interruptions, and I am SO glad I did!

You know, the Bible talks often of the quiet, still waters, the green pastures ... those beautiful places after the storms and trials, but we rarely believe they will actually get here! But you know what? You're living proof that they DO get here! Enjoy the gifts God has given you. They are not to tease you that life will not be difficult again ... they are for you to enjoy now ... as they are.

And I will throw in my two cents from experience and life. I truly believe your marriage and family are where they are today because you are a man whom God finds on his knees before Him, yearning and pleading to be like Him in every area of your life. It's not who or what you are ... it IS who and what you are IN Christ ... who you have chosen to be IN Christ. You yearn and long for your God ... and you do something about it. THAT is what God wants ... He wants our hearts ... and you repeatedly choose to give God your heart. And, you remain teachable. That is HUGE.

So as all choices yield fruit and consequences, so have yours ... to remain in the fire ... to remain faithful to your God ... to choose to allow God to enable you to be and become the man, husband, father, teacher and friend that He created you to be before He created the foundation of the world.

Men were created to lead. Women were created to respond to men. When women are spiritually more mature than their husbands, they have to tread VERY carefully. But when men are more spiritually mature, they lead. BIG difference. Your wife and kids, in so many ways, are who they are because of who you are and how you lead them. GOOD FOR YOU!!! May you be an example to men ... and women ... everywhere!

Fred said...

I miss those chats at bedtime. I also used to fall asleep with the girls in their room while we were exchanging stories.

It goes by too quick. But, having a blog helps to relive those memories. Thanks for the thoughts.

martie said...

After 16 years of marriage and trying to balance and blend two families into one I believe my husband and I have finally come to this place too!! Praise God for bringing us here through all the trials....we learned from those experiences!