Don’t fret. I’m not dying.
Well, perhaps I am, we all are. But I don’t expect that I’ll be shuffling off this mortal coil any time soon.
So... they let me bring my computer in and I thought I’d do a little writing rather than watch one of the three Law and Orders or two Crime Scene Investigations that are on TV.
I was mowing the lawn yesterday and after a half hour or so I felt a little funny. I thought I was just dehydrated.
But my left arm tingled, and the muscle in the upper arm felt... odd. I woke up this morning and the tingling was still there. And it was still there when I was in a meeting at the end of the day. So I went to the doctor, they did some checks, and now I’m back from chest x-rays and a cat scan.
The RN, Sally, is really sweet, kindly...
Bits of conversation drift in from the hall...
“...are you feeling any better?”
“...We’ll be back to see you in the morning...”
“...is my butt hanging out?...”
A few friends just dropped by. My “moon howlin” buddies. We laughed a bit, they threatened to take my laptop away because I’m still working (got to type up some lesson plans!).
It’s almost 9:00 p.m. I have a promise to keep...
Thank you for my family. Bless them tonight.
Protect my son Jeremiah. Keep all forces of darkness, all things that are not of You, far away from him. bless his sleep tonight. May he sleep well. I cannot place my hand on him tonight, so I ask that You touch him for me.
Be with Isaac tonight. I know he is afraid for me. Most people do not see how sensitive he is, but I know his fears, Lord, and I ask You to please give him a sense of peace, a calmness, a serenity that all is all right and that his daddy is fine. Bless my beautiful child, bless my son.
Comfort my wife tonight, Lord...
It was my family! They were praying for me while I was praying for them. The great thing was I was able to pray for them with them.
I really have no idea where this post is going. It certainly isn’t going to be the polished type of writing I like to do. But it is a weB LOG... my online journal... so since I have some time on my hands... I’m going to ramble on... But, if you are looking for something pithy, perhaps you should move on to the next blog you like to read, or check on one of the blogs I have listed over there to the right.
A local hospital is an interesting place. Full of memories. Here is where brought Jeremiah a few months ago when his bloody nose didn’t stop for so long. Here is where I was brought 12 years ago when I was hit by a car while riding a motorcycle. Here is where I saw my first child lying dead on a metal table.
This is the place where neighbors and friends and chuirch family come when they need help (there is a man from my church in a room across the hall). Births and deaths. Small owies and life-threatening injuries are dealt with here.
My pastor visited me here last night, a few hours after being here for the man across the hall.
What a blessing to have such a place...
Good morning! I usually wake up at 5:00 and here I am still in bed at 7:30. No coffee either.
It’s hard to fall asleep in this place. It was after 11:30 when I finally did. The rounds of tests, EKG, blood, weight, blood pressure began promptly at 5:00. It would have been better if it included a massage.
They’ve been great here.
My boss called me this morning. He’s a great guy. I’m really looking forward to working for him next year. Our school is dividing. It has gotten too big and we are building a new one. I am staying at the old school and the staff that is going to be there with me is a fantastic group of educators. We have some great ideas on how we will reinvent ourselves.
I could say a lot about pedagogy and education and programs and curricula that will help so many kids... but I keep thinking about the people who work there.
Many are believers. Protestant and Catholic. Every morning at 7:30 up to a dozen of us gather in a conference room or an office, shut the door, and say the Lord’s Prayer. One of that regular group isn’t a believer. So, at this very moment while I write they are praying, and I am sure they said an extra little prayer for me.
Many are not believers. They have their own philosophies and beliefs which are important to who they are. Artists and golfers, vegetarians and “slaughter it, dip it in boiling fat and put gravy on it meat eaters”. They are democrats and republicans, new teachers and nearing retirement veterans of decades of teaching.
Believers or not, they are wonderful people. They love kids so much. They do not work just eight hours a day. They get there early, they leave late. They come in on weekends and they grade papers, write lessons and tests and quizzes. They take summer graduate courses and workshops on how to deal with ELL, NCLB, CIM/CAM, IEPs, 504s, TAG, and a host of other alphabet soup pedagogical entrees.
I love them. They are such good people. It is a privilege to do anything I can for them. I want to serve them as I serve my students. As I serve my Lord.
I wasn’t afraid last night. Perhaps I really don’t think that I am in any sort of danger from a heart attack. I think I have stopped thinking of myself as mortal. It has been a long process, but I have an eternal perspective of who I am and the idea of dying really doesn’t seem to frighten.
I am concerned about my family... that they would be able to make ends meet should I no longer be here...
I have gotten into the habit of thinking in terms of greater spans of time than a human life. The intellectual part of me, the curious scientist, has contemplated millennia, and eons, and the billions of years since He made all things for such a long time that I am comfortable in imagining the spinning of galaxies, sparkling with the regular beats of birthing and dying stars.
I have also gotten into the habit of thinking in terms of greater spans of future time. The spiritual part of me, the Curious Servant sees an eternity of joy lying ahead. I see those spinning galaxies cooling and darkening in some distant future while I view them from an eternity which runs parallel to this time, this place. I picture time as a two-dimensional plane which will permit me to walk beside the universe, watching all of it unfolding to reveal mysteries that a human mind cannot begin to behold. That will be mine. I believe this two dimensional time will allow me to move to any point in creation and view it for as long as I wish. I am certain that the crucifixion of my Master is the most visited event of all time. Some day my heart will fill beyond the emotions a mortal can bear while I watch those nails driven into those wrists. That is where I am headed. I am already immortal.
So, what if I do have heart disease today? It means I will have to change some things. I’ll probably forgo the burgers, and the sausage, and onion rings. Sigh... I’ll probably stop having the huge plate of biscuits and gravy when I’m returning from the coast at Camp 18 on Hwy 26. I might let my wife talk me into riding a bike to school. I’m not talking about a motorcycle. I can’t pictue me in spandex, but a reclining bike could be cool.
I need to finish raising these kids, and Jeremiah may always be needing me. Isaac is slowly turning into a young man and I need to see him off and running his own race.
So I need to stick around.
Well this post is long enough. It is a rambling one... a wandering journey through rolling thoughts in this weird mind of mine while I lay in this hospital bed. Which is getting tiresome. I’ve said enough here for now. I can provide updates in the comment section.