Tuesday, January 24, 2006


I throw myself out of the water, flopping on the sand, gasping at burning air... too hot, too dry.

The wave comes, pulls me back to the sea.

I am a man. A sinful man who loves to love himself. I want to be more. I pray to be more. The world keeps pulling me back.

O great fisherman, come, take me up with your net!

I gaze at the sky with eyes not designed for air; I watch the bright yellow orb glide slowly across the night. I gulp the air, tasting it, wondering what it would be like to breathe. I turn, slipping back into cool, familiar depths.

I want to stride through the heavens. I want to watch the spinning galaxies, sparkling with the births and deaths of stars, dancing through time and space. I want to contemplate the love that rescued me from being a man, a creature who sensed more than he could feel. I want a mind that takes eternity in stride, free from forgetfulness, from mortal needs, mortal desires. I want to glide across the floors of the third heaven and bask in the glory of the trinity as holiness itself carries all things into eternity.

I am a great fish. I want to be more. I want to crawl out of the sea and grow legs, grow lungs, grow a heart and a mind and a soul to help me understand the rain and the stars and the moon. I am a fish that longs to be more.

And the net comes.


curious servant said...

I hope all of you can understand this odd little twist in my posts today. I had an itch to be metaphorical this evening.

Special thanks to a blogger friend and a Dave Matthews song for the inspiration.

Christopher said...

yes! this one will be one of my favorites.

Kitty Cheng said...

WOW WOW WOW....this metaphor is profound, yet seems a little sad! How did you get this inspiration?

Anonymous said...

That was a Awesome trip! :)
thanks CS,
have a great day!

David said...

Okay I have read it three times and I am absolutely stumped as to what to say. I am rarely speechless.
But then, sometimes my mind refuses to work and it being so clogged this morning from cedar fever, maybe I am not seeing what you are saying. Let's leave at that LOL.

curious servant said...

David, sorry about that!

I was listening to a Dave Matthews Band CD and a song entitled "Big Eyed Fish" caught my attention.

It had a little to do with evolution and I got to thinking about it.

We are all changing a little every day. And our salvation is also about changes, big changes.

Then I thought about death, the after life (or the return of our LORD) and what those changes might mean.

I think about what heaven must be like. What I know about theoretical physics, and additional dimensions, and what that might imply about time (I suspect that time is not truly linear, but at least two dimensional, perhaps three). I got to thinking about what it would be like to be free of a body that forces my mind to use a brain that forgets things, or remembers them in a distorted fashion.

And I was thinking about the idea of that fish. Wanting to be something better. I want to be something better. Some day I will be.

So I wrote that last night to explore the feelings there. The feeling of being a man who longs for eternity and all that it may entail in terms of being in the tangible presence of God and not distracted by a body that requires food and rest and entertainment.

It is difficult to express the ideas I have about eternity and so I used the metaphor of evolution, a fish conscious of the changes it is going through, and eager for the changes to happen.

But fear not... I will return to my didactic, expository writing style. Just consider it a mood I get in now and then.

Judas Hate said...


And I absolutely LOVE this post.

Bravo, bravisimo, MORE!

You have such great talent my friend!!

Be well and happy.

David said...

Hey far be it from me to be critical. Sometimes this old mind just does not work. I thought maybe you were pushing the idea of evolution over GOD creating man. Now what you say makes more sense.

curious servant said...

Far be it!

Max said...

Great post. Nice reno on the site too! :)

Pirate said...

you are a great fish becuse your love is unabated no matter the pain.

Anonymous said...

CS, hope you don't mind if I ramble
about your post, hope I can say this right, I think what you are saying is , you want to be free of this shell, that is our earthly body , that holds us here, but for you soul to be free to be with and to stand with GoD
to be able to see what he see!
that will be awesome !
if I'm wrong , sorry,


curious servant said...

You've got the general idea.

It seems to me that my mind is constrained by my brain. Here is what I mean. If I were to suffer a stroke my brain would interfere with my thoughts. No one would think that I am less a person because of the disability. They would recognize that I am the same person but with a handicap to my thoughts. I wonder if that isn’t true in general. I look through my Bible and find notes and thoughts in the margins that I do not recall placing there. It is my handwriting though.

My mind, and my spirit, is constrained by the physical process of this body.

I believe that someday I will be freed of those constraints.

I will have the capacity, the ability, to retain what I think in a method that is not constrained by the laws of thermodynamics, the chemical processes of entropy will not be the method I will use to store what I know. It is clear that the Lord God is not so constrained, and the Lord Jesus has said that we will have different bodies.

But I think that with the freedom that implies there must be more to what I will be than what I can imagine right now (and I can imagine so pretty far-fetched things!).

So... I will some day be caught up and taken out of this sea and I will grow into a creature, a being , who does not need to procreate, or defecate, or fear strokes, or death.

I am not unhappy with who and what I am... I just long to be more so I can do more for my Lord.

Jim said...

Some men (people) are dogs.
Some dogs think they are people.
Not a good, serious, remark, but that's what I am thinking of.

Jim said...

Mrs. Jim says just because I think it, I don't have to say it.

Hikingalong said...

The longing in your heart and spirit is obvious. As you grow, and change and seek His will striving to be all that He calls you to be, remember to rest in His love.

curious servant said...

By the way... the "third heaven", comes from 2 Corinthians 12:1-3...

"I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows—"

I don't know exactly what it means, but it seems to hint at the ideas of the after life that I am wrestling with...

music.angel said...

metaphors are great.

and you did redesign! nice job =)

Fred said...

Love the new look. I usually have to read your posts a few times to make sure that I get it. I'm still trying to find my place, so I appreciate the post and comments.

4evergapeach said...

I love the new look!!

You'll never believe what song is playing as I read this post. "I'll Fly Away" It just seemed to bring me right into your words.

wilsonian said...

:) Glad you stretched. As a metaphor queen, I loved this.

Love the new look too, btw.

Anonymous said...

wow! new skin. it looks great! i read your post twice before i understood. it's a bit mysterious but i like it.

God bless!

Alexa said...

Hi CS! I DID go "back in" just a second ago to fix the margin on the sidebar titles...they were too close to the edge, so I gave them 8px of a margin.

I'm done!
Thanks! :-)

And, yes indeedee, that's great writing ya got there!

curious servant said...

Well folks... That's Alexa... the Canadian/American, Job's Tale reading, occaisonal commentating, template artist who helped give this blog its new look.

Let's give her a round of applause for her generosity!

FTS said...

I want to fly. Think I could grow wings if I wanted it bad enough?

Great post, and nice new look here. :)

curious servant said...

Some day FTS... some day.

Bad Alice said...

Wow, your new look is beautiful. Love the post.

music.angel said...

nice job alexa...i like the background especially.

Lillee said...

Great post. And I love the new blog changes!

Paula said...

I loved this post!!! I also like the new look here! Thanks for your comment at my site today.

God bless,

Coco said...

Wow, your blog layout is FABULOUS!

Ok...the fish wanting to be more, and then the net-
the fish can still be "more"-
it can help feed people.